When music bloggers attack

As part of my day job, I’ve been reading a lot of grime blogs (don’t ask). A couple of weeks ago, two of the biggest grime blogs in London had a very funny 8-Mile-style MC battle:
Round 1:
chantellefiddy.blogspot.com: “When I'm on the mic it's Peter Kay style - top bombin'/Dropping nuclear snaps that I just have to throw your mom in”
prancehall.blogspot.com: “Magazines wanna sign me for 500 grand / Set me up as a global brand / I get links to my blog from Stratford to Thailand”
Round 2:
Chantelle: “500 grand? I think you mean 500 grams / Cos you must be on coke, if you fuck with me, bloke / I heard you're up in Thailand making considerable noise / Because you drop big scrilla on all the ladyboys”
Prancehall: “My lyrics are intelligent like brehs with 3 or more GCSEs / Your gran is a pitbull and the bitch has got fleas.”
Round 3:
Chantelle: “And don't call out my gran because she'll be your next date / Despite the fact she died in 1998”
… and so on. I’m thinking I should start MC 'beefs' with all the other music blogs, but unfortunately I'm not an MC:
Yo, Matrix Synth, still rocking the green and black?
Like Revolutions and Reloaded, that look is so wack.
Er... I'll get my coat.
ps: From Chantelle's blog: Why grime stars love 'Countdown' and Richard Whiteley.

Not bad, not bad. Chantelle would wipe the blog floor with you though.
yo, deez blogs are for my hos, my juicyfruit bitches - dont mess wit my shit or you get punked like some snitches
what the fuck does 'big scrilla' mean?
According to the awesome urbandictionary.com, scrilla is defined as follows ::

Money, One who spends a lot of money.

"Yo, shes got mad scrilla, we're gonna rock the mall later."

"Scrilla in Manila, shlong in Hong Kong"
son check it, you need a "music thing" cause you got no real wang, like wendy carlos, you just aint a real meng. A geek in the basement salavating to pultecs and langs, like the linn 9000, youll dig youll own grave - PINKUS!
None of the gear on that blog is gonna help your Game
All the girls you get are ugly cuz your beats are lam3 -
Spittin' weak cracker rhymes thru your analog vocoder
and your bitch is still as hairy as Giorgio Moroder
Whatchoo' talkin' 'bout, Willis?
yo phylux; common who you foolin, you cant even make a beat gardinin, spittin over noise like mc paul barman, makin me fall asleep like belle and sabastian, the closest youll get to an ob-xa is jump by van halen
I'm in a fog
What rhymes with blog,
this things gonna sink
just like a log,
now yer my dog,
For you I'd slog,
but I think you should flush this
Down the Bog!!
OK realy, what kind of a SICK day job do you have where they pay you to read Grime blogs? I've been reading Gutta all day long DURING my day job but it's not quite the same thing...
yo, im hard pimpin with some serious bling, one eye on da coochie, one on Music Thing - they bring the shit that make you radar *blip*, get me all stiff like im wearin a cock ring
Best...Music Thing...ever!!
You think you dropping rhymes but i guess you're all retarded/
Just scrolling down this comments page, don't even get me started/
My words are like a Fairlight when I drop them on the beat/
Heavy and expensive, you won't find them in the street

Girls all over me cos I'm the best MC/
Like a Yamaha Motif I'm long and hard you see/
DOn't even think about replying with some shit about my mum/
Ya"mahama"'s cheaper than a PSR with half the buttons gone

i know you talkin shit cuz you love to eat it, rub it on yo face and stroke till you skeet it - but thats all you got, yo dick in hand, thinkin you hot, like you da man

yo mum aint da prob, cuz YOU slobbin the knob - i'll beat yo ass like a mugger, steal the cheddar from yo bugger

you euro motherfucka
pidg, that was genuis, real ill man!

Awakened_Yeti, you're a f*cking cracker, and you suck...

/I'm not even gonna try, too white to care...
oh no - im so hurt..

the way you wouldnt spell out "fucking"... oooh - its scary, you must be a real big bad man
speaking of big men a yeti is a big glam, like paris hilton hes a bitch with a tan, get a life dog, get off the dudes dick, cause soon enough youll find your self poor and speachless
damn, nig - yo rhymes stink like herpes,
pus-filled sores crawling with fleas...
shit's infected yo brain,
and i bet you in pain -
gonna shoot you dead like the last dog that bit me

got some stupid motherfuckas up in here,
cant count or spit -
that shit is real clear..
you wanna break it down,
but you just bein a clown..
cant step to my shit,
so suck my load down


Clearly the whole point was to make rhymes that had some sort of music-blog context, and all you can fart out are some crappy porno/scat drivel from any street corner.

You lack the imagination to stick the the theme, so you resort pointless aggression. It is uninspired and sad - your frustration is evident in your posts.
hahaha - did i upset you?

so sorry little guy, maybe you should just go take a nap
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